This is one of the greeting cards I made while at my previous employer. I wrote the copy and designed the invitation. It's one of my favorite things I've ever done, and it won an Addy award.
If you can't read the type, it breaks down thusly:
NO FIREPLACE NECESSARY! You’ve read that correctly. The joyous glow of the yule log is no longer limited to the hearth. By following a few simple steps, your home and your heart can be warmed by this tradition of ambiguous and possibly pagan origin...for a few seconds, at least.
Assemble: After reading through all directions, begin rolling My Own Yule Log® into a cylindrical shape, not unlike how you would roll a program at an event that has bored you, so that the wood grain pattern is visible. Once My Own Yule Log® is sufficiently rolled and holding its cylindrical shape, place it on a firm surface.
Ignite: Using a lit match, light either end of My Own Yule Log®. If you need instruction on how to strike a match, you should think of the decisions you have made. Other methods of ignition may be effective, but, you know. The flame that burns twice as bright burns only half as long.
Enjoy! My Own Yule Log® should now be majestically ablaze. Gather your loved ones and bask in the radiant holiday cheer, furnished by My Own Yule Log®. Hold them extra tight as your drapes and other worldly possessions burn around you.
While our desire for you to have a Merry Christmas or a Happy Holiday Season is sincere, we do not actually wish for you to burn down your house (or any house) in the process of basking in the fiery warmth of My Own Yule Log®. Proper use of My Own Yule Log® is inappropriate for almost all situations.